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21 Ways To Recognise Lack of Respect in A Relationship

It is natural to feel offended by someone disrespectful. Some pretend that they are not disturbed, and some are not, but they are in the minority.

Those affected cover their hurt with self-righteous anger to justify lashing out at the culprit (most do not).

People generally do not face these discourteous persons. It is as if they are afraid to own up to feeling disregarded and overlooked. Therefore, they guard and nurture the negative feelings engendered by these encounters to vent on someone close to them.

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.

Dr Albert Schweitzer

Why This Lack of Respect?

A lack of respect may be traced back to a variety of causes, including a lack of social education, somebody having a terrible day and accidentally injuring an innocent bystander or a wilful contempt for the feelings of others that was cultivated as a youngster.

Families in disarray are especially prone to this final behaviour, and those who leave broken homes and start new families tend to carry it on. Because I grew up in a dysfunctional household, I can speak from experience.

Disrespect is Abnormal

No matter how you look at it, disrespect is abnormal. I have been guilty of this on occasion, and no doubt you have. When you go off the rails as people do, you apologise immediately or when you have a firmer grip on your emotions. Anyone who feels they are too “big” to do so shows how small they are.

I am not saying “be a goody-two-shoes”; act like a responsible adult and treat others the way you want.

Couples who disrespect each other

Disrespect is shown verbally and nonverbally by couples, both of which are harmful to the development and sustainability of their relationship. It’s hard to believe, but their shared hatred of themselves drew them together in the first place. Even though they refer to it as love, Eckhart Tolle claims that their pain bodies were attracted to one another because of mutual attraction.

When you recognise and are attracted to the Presence in another, that is love.

A man who has no respect for women tends to be attracted to and partner with a woman who has a similar lack of respect for herself.

The first duty of love is to listen. Paul Tillich

At the same time, she despises the man (men) and the society in which she lives as it dictates that she has no needs, and even if she does, they must be relegated to the back of the line until the men are satisfied. She is, after all, just a walking womb, as well as the chief cook and bottle washer in the relationship!

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true, i.e. women who are financially and thus, emotionally dominant in relationships. I have had the equally unpleasant experience of witnessing a female relative exhibiting the negative qualities listed below. It is, therefore, not a rare occurrence!

Thus, 21 ways to recognise lack of respect in a relationship is not gender-based.

  1. Your discussions are often at cross purposes which opens the way for misunderstandings and arguments.
  2. You are visibly impatient with the reasons given for an incomplete activity.
  3. You ignore your partner’s/relative’s demand for attention/discussion.
  4. You are not clear when you want something done.
  5. You micro-manage activities.
  6. When you observe that a piece of work demanded is not the way you want it, you say nothing until the job is done.
  7. You talk down to your partner/relative when providing clarification.
  8. You are disdainful or grudgingly accepting of efforts made to please you.
  9. You make excuses for not fulfilling your stated responsibility.
  10. You blame others for your lack of follow-through.
  11. Individuals in this family group overeat to assuage their emotional cravings or have another addiction for the same purpose.
  12. You think of your partner/relative as manual labour and yourself as the “brain”.
  13. You are the “heavyweight” in the family, and your desires/demands rule.
  14. You control the finances in the relationship.
  15. You ignore the real financial needs of your partner.
  16. You dole out money at your convenience.
  17. You feel superior to your partner/relative but defend them vigorously if anyone trespasses on your “turf”.
  18. You discuss your life plans with your partner/relative yet rarely ask for input.
  19. You project an air of benevolent indulgence when your partner/relative makes a verbal contribution.
  20. Your discussions usually concern everything other than your life together.
  21. Your partner seems to be an appendage in your life.

Please understand that there is no misunderstanding about the dysfunctional nature of the connection. They thrive on one other’s flaws. Without putting forth any effort, they both want their cake and ice cream with no attempt to build a caring, supportive connection.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. The Dalai Lama

The only way for these destructive cycles to be short-circuited is for each party to recognise that the problem lies with their upbringing and consequent beliefs. Admitting this is the first step to healing.

Meditation and therapy make an excellent mixture to assist them in coming to terms with who they are as individuals (of worth).

Self-love and compassion for one’s self are critical here.

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