When it comes to relationships, it’s important to be in one that is healthy and beneficial for you. Unfortunately, not all relationships are like that. In fact, there are some relationships that you should avoid at all costs.
It may be due to your relationship if you’re beginning to question your sense of self and wonder who you are. If you’ve left a relationship and have no idea of how to behave now that you’re out, there’s a good chance that you were stuck in one of these relationships.
All relationships have their moments. Healthy relationships allow us to slam doors occasionally and for it not to be the end of the world.
When you’re in a toxic relationship, treading on eggshells, and too scared to say anything in case you’re ridiculed/ignored/berated. When you leave these relationships, there’s an initial sigh of relief, and then we start to wonder. “What am I supposed to do now?”
Relationships That Needs to be Avoided at All Costs
Here are 5 types of relationships to avoid and understand. If your personality is being subsumed by your partner or was controlled by them before you left, then it’s time to look at you and what you need.
1. The carrot-dangler
When it comes to relationships, there are always going to be different levels of commitment. For some people, their partner is the centre of their world, and they would do anything for them. For others, their partner is simply a “carrot-dangler”—someone who is there for the benefits but not necessarily invested in the relationship itself.
It can be easy to spot a carrot-dangler in a relationship. They’re usually the ones who are always looking for something better, whether it’s someone else to date or something else to do. They’re not necessarily bad people, but they’re not the best partners either.
If you’re in a relationship with a carrot dangler, it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you want. If you’re happy with the way things are, then there’s no need to change anything. But if you’re unhappy, you must discuss your needs with your partner.
They constantly disappoint you and then redeem themselves unexpectedly, so the cycle starts over again. They’ve got you, hook, line, and sinker and have no intention of letting you go.
This level of control is about their low self-esteem, not yours, and their need for attention. Their deficiencies manifest themselves in how you start to feel about the relationship. Once you recognise this, you can let go. Remember that relationships take work, no matter what kind of partner you have. You can overcome anything if you’re both committed to making things work.
2. The controller
The controller is a toxic partner to the carrot-dangler, although they both have control at the heart of what they do. The controller likes to get into your head and make you second-guess yourself. They will use their position of power to make you feel guilty or simply push your buttons. They don’t want a relationship where they have to work at it. They want a relationship that works for them, with no effort.
They say, “if you think that dress is OK, then wear it.” And so your doubt sets in. They also tell you how well you’re doing, not in a good way. It’s almost as if they’re saying, “I like you, no matter what the others think.” This behaviour binds you to them over time because they erode your confidence and make you lean on them.
There are many reasons to avoid a controlling partner. A relationship should be built on trust, respect, and equality, not control. When one partner tries to control the other, it can lead to tension and conflict that can damage the relationship.
A controlling partner may try to control their partner in many different ways. They may try to control what their partner does, who they see, what they wear, what they eat, or how they spend their time. They may also try to control their partner’s emotions, telling them how to feel or what to think.
A controlling partner may seem possessive, jealous, or controlling at first, but these behaviours can become more extreme and damage the relationship over time. A controlling partner may start to isolate their partner from friends and family, or they may try to control how their partner spends their money. If you’re in a relationship with a controlling partner, getting help and taking action to protect yourself is essential.
3. The narcissist
Ever felt completely secondary to a partner? As if you’re not much more than an accessory? Do you know that your toxic partner likes themselves more than they will ever like anyone else? Then you need to understand, right now, that you will never be good enough for them, no matter what you do. You might think you’re doing everything right, and they’ll be in awe of your efforts, but they won’t reciprocate the affection. They will see you as a means to an end. You are nothing more than a piece of furniture to them.
This sort of partnership has led many wonderful people to believe that they’re useless, and if you have a jealous narcissist, then you’re theirs to treat badly, no one else’s. You are a reflection of them.
Recognise that you will always be the runner-up as far as they are concerned. Are you willing to put up with this for your whole life?
This is probably the most important type of relationship to avoid. If your relationship is toxic, it’s time to get out of it. A toxic relationship is harmful to your mental and physical health.
4. The silent one
When you’re in a relationship, communication is key. If you and your partner aren’t communicating openly and honestly, it can lead to problems. It can be toxic and damaging to your love life. Having a silent partner in a relationship can be frustrating and confusing. You may feel like you’re the only one doing all the talking, and you may not get your partner’s support. If your relationship lacks communication, you must talk to your partner about it. If they’re not willing to open up and communicate with you, it may be time to consider ending the relationship.
Sulky partners are a nightmare. They sulk at perceived slights from you. You will spend your time playing “guess what mood x is in tonight.” They will walk around with a face like a smacked arse and will say, “nothing” when you ask what’s wrong.
Be sure you’ve done something, and you’re being punished. You could have left the cap off the toothpaste or shagged their best mate; the reaction is the same, disproportionate and unfair. And I’m guessing you haven’t shagged the best mate.
Spending your life racking your brains over what you could have done this time to warrant the silent treatment turns you into a nervous wreck.
5. The Blamer
When you take the brunt of the situation when someone (or the toxic partner) has done something wrong, then you are the scapegoat for their life. You end up being on the receiving end of everything because you’re there.
It all becomes your fault; if you defend yourself or disagree, you get the silent treatment. Somehow or other, what’s gone wrong for them, or what they’ve overreacted to, somehow becomes about you, your fault, and because you’re in the world. It’s unreasonable, unfair, and shows they can’t accept responsibility or filter out annoyances. If it becomes your fault, “you’re the one who wanted this” when, for example, he fails a credit check to buy your engagement ring in instalments, get out of the relationship before you get stuck! Don’t accept this behaviour!
It’s not fair to be constantly blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship. If your partner is always quick to point the finger at you, it’s likely because they avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
Being in a relationship with a blamer can be damaging and unhealthy for your self-esteem. After a while, you might start to believe that you are responsible for everything that goes wrong, even when you know that’s not true. When your partner blames you, they’re likely to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. This avoidance can lead to further problems down the road, as important issues are not addressed and dealt with.
If you’re in a relationship with a blamer, it’s important to address the issue. If you’re constantly being blamed for everything, it’s not healthy or fair. Talk to your partner about their tendency to blame, and see if you can work together to find a healthier way to deal with conflict.