Domestic violence is a serious issue affecting millions of people worldwide. It is not easy to recognise the signs of abuse if you are in a relationship.
Abuse and domestic violence can manifest themselves in various forms, including physical assaults, emotional abuse, financial control, and psychological manipulation. Victims of domestic violence often feel helpless and trapped in their abusive relationships.
However, it is important to be aware of the warning signs of domestic violence so that you can take action to protect yourself and seek help if necessary. In this article, we will discuss seven warning signs of domestic violence in relationships.
1. Physical Abuse or Coercion (Even “Minor” Incidents)
This includes hitting, slapping, pushing, grabbing, choking, or using weapons/objects. But it can start small: a “playful” shove, squeezing too hard, or restraining you during arguments. Coercive sexual behaviour—forcing or pressuring sex when you’re not willing—is also physical/sexual abuse.
Abuse often escalates: what begins as “accidental” bumps or “rough play” can worsen. Excuses like “I was drunk” or “It won’t happen again” are common, but without real change (like professional help), patterns repeat. Any unwanted physical contact or coercion is a clear sign to seek safety immediately.
2. Emotional and Verbal Abuse (Name-Calling, Humiliation, Gaslighting)
Words can wound deeply. Signs include constant put-downs, insults about your appearance/intelligence, mocking you in public/private, or blaming you for their anger (“You made me do this”). Gaslighting—making you doubt your reality—is especially insidious: “That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “Everyone else sees it my way.”
Emotional abuse erodes self-esteem, making you feel worthless or crazy. Over time, you may internalise the abuse, believing you deserve it. Remember: healthy partners build you up, even in conflict. Consistent belittling or manipulation is abuse, not “just arguing.”
3. Rapid Involvement and Love-Bombing Followed by Isolation
Many abusive relationships start intensely: rushing into commitment, declaring “you’re the one” early, or pressuring to move in, get married, or have kids quickly. This “love-bombing” feels exhilarating at first—constant attention, gifts, grand declarations.
But it often flips to isolation. They criticise your friends/family, accuse them of interfering, or make you feel guilty for spending time away. Soon, you’re cut off from support networks. Isolation is deliberate: without outside perspectives, it’s harder to see the abuse or leave. If a relationship accelerates too fast and then tries to separate you from loved ones, danger is brewing.
4. Controlling Behaviour and Unrealistic Expectations
Abusers often want to dictate every aspect of your life. They may insist on knowing your schedule, approve what you wear, decide how you spend money, or demand you ask permission for basic things like seeing friends or going to work.
Unrealistic expectations are common too: they expect you to meet all their needs perfectly, be available 24/7, or never disagree. If you “fail,” blame and criticism follow. This creates a dynamic where you walk on eggshells, constantly trying to avoid anger. Control is the core of domestic violence—it’s about power, not partnership.
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5. Financial Control
Money is a powerful tool for control. Your partner may withhold funds, demand you account for every expense, prevent you from working, sabotage your job, or run up debts in your name. They might insist on controlling all finances, giving you an “allowance,” or monitoring your spending.
Economic abuse traps victims: without money or independence, leaving feels impossible. It often pairs with isolation—cutting off access to resources makes it harder. If your partner uses finances to limit your freedom or create dependency, it’s abuse.
If your partner is controlling your finances or preventing you from working or earning money, this is a warning sign of domestic violence. Financial control can be a way for abusers to gain control over their victims and make it difficult for them to leave the relationship. If you find that your partner is controlling your finances, seeking help and finding ways to gain financial independence is important.
6. Extreme Jealousy and Possessiveness
Jealousy disguised as “caring” is one of the most common early signs. Your partner may accuse you of flirting, constantly question who you’re talking to, check your phone without permission, or get upset over time spent with friends or family. They might say things like “I just love you too much” or “You’re mine,” framing possessiveness as passion.
This isn’t love—it’s control. Extreme jealousy often leads to monitoring your whereabouts, demanding constant updates, or forbidding contact with certain people. Over time, it isolates you, escaping harder. If jealousy turns into accusations or restrictions, it’s a major red flag.
7. Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse is a serious form of domestic violence. This can include rape, unwanted sexual advances, or any other form of sexual violence. If your partner is engaging in sexual behaviour that makes you uncomfortable or violates your boundaries, it is important to recognise that this is not acceptable behaviour in a healthy relationship. Seek help and find ways to protect yourself from further abuse.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is important to recognise the warning signs of domestic violence in relationships. If you are experiencing any of the behaviours listed above, it is important to seek help and find ways to protect yourself from further abuse. Domestic violence is never acceptable, and it is important to seek help from friends, family, or professional organisations.
Domestic violence thrives in silence and shame. Speaking up breaks the cycle. You deserve respect, safety, and freedom—not control or fear. If you’re in danger right now, call emergency services.
