Emotional abuse scars deeper than visible bruises. In India, NFHS-5 data shows 26.21% of women face intimate partner violence (IPV), with 9.54% emotional abuse, such as humiliation or threats.
Emotional abuse—constant criticism, gaslighting (making you doubt reality), isolation from friends/family, control over finances/movements, blame-shifting, silent treatment—erodes self-worth, causing anxiety, depression, PTSD. It’s not your fault; abusers use power tactics. Under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 (PWDVA), it includes “verbal and emotional abuse” like insults, ridicule, threats, and mental harm.
In this article, we will discuss some of the steps you can take to end an emotionally abusive relationship and regain the peace of your mind.
Recognise the signs of emotional abuse
The first essential step is to identify the patterns of abuse with clarity. Abusers often belittle their partners by saying things like, “You are worthless without me.” Gaslighting occurs when they insist that events you remember clearly never happened and that you are imagining things or are crazy.
Isolation is another common tactic, such as forbidding visits to parents or siblings, which is particularly prevalent in Punjab’s joint family systems. Control extends to monitoring your phone, dictating finances, or making all decisions without your input, for example, refusing to allow you to take a job without permission. Jealous rages may erupt over innocent friendships, and explosive anger can arise over minor issues like arriving home late from cooking. Threats such as “I will ruin your life,” or manipulative claims of suicide are also red flags. In India, the prevalence of emotional violence ranges from 13 to 52 per cent according to NFHS surveys, and it is higher in households with lower education levels.
Husbands who consume alcohol increase the risk significantly. It is helpful to journal specific incidents, noting the dates, exact words used, and how they made you feel. Pay attention to your health symptoms, such as insomnia or panic attacks. Ask yourself whether you constantly walk on eggshells, apologise unnecessarily, or feel trapped in the relationship. Denial is common, with thoughts like, “He does this because he loves me,” but the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act clearly recognises this as a form of violence.
Why It Is Hard to Leave: Facing Real Barriers
Leaving an emotionally abusive relationship is challenging for many valid reasons. Trauma bonding creates intense cycles of highs and lows that mimic love, making separation feel impossible. Fear of escalation after the breakup is common, as statistics show that 75 per cent of cases see increased danger at this time.
Financial dependence is a major barrier, especially when there is no separate bank account in arranged marriages. Concerns about children, such as worries that they will be negatively affected, often keep women in place. Many hold onto hope that the abuser will change, and societal stigma, where people may ask, “What will others say?” adds pressure.
Family members frequently urge adjustment rather than separation. Divorce rates are rising in urban India due to mismatched values, but the emotional toll remains enormous, including resentment and lengthy custody battles. Alcohol use or controlling behaviour by husbands amplifies these risks.
Talk to someone you trust
If you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, it can be hard to know who to turn to for help. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed to talk about what is happening, or you may worry that no one will believe you. However, it is important to talk to someone you trust about what is happening. This could be a friend, family member, or therapist. Talking to someone can help you gain perspective on the situation and can give you the support and encouragement you need to take action.
Create a safety plan
Before you take steps to end an emotionally abusive relationship, it is important to create a safety plan. This plan should include steps you can take to protect yourself if your partner becomes physically or emotionally violent. Some of the things you may want to include in your safety plan include:
- Keeping important documents (such as your passport and driver’s license) in a safe place
- Having a bag packed with essential items (such as clothing, medication, and money) in case you need to leave quickly
- Memorising important phone numbers in case your phone is taken away
- Identifying a safe place to go if you need to leave (such as a friend’s house or a domestic violence shelter)
- Creating a code word with a trusted friend or family member that you can use to signal that you need help
- Make a plan for how to communicate with your partner if you decide to end the relationship (such as doing it in a public place or having a friend present)
Also Read: How to Break up With Your Girlfriend Nicely?
Consider seeking professional help
Ending an emotionally abusive relationship can be difficult, and it is not something you should try to do on your own. Consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor. A therapist can help you identify the patterns of abuse in your relationship and give you the tools you need to end the relationship safely and healthily. They can also provide you with support and encouragement as you move forward with your life.
Be clear and direct when ending the relationship
When you are ready to end an emotionally abusive relationship, being clear and direct with your partner is important. Choose a time when you can talk to them in person, and be honest about why you are ending the relationship. Use “I” statements to explain how their behaviour has affected you, and be firm in your decision to end the relationship.
It is important to remember that your partner may try to manipulate or guilt-trip you into staying in the relationship. They may promise to
change or to seek help, but it is important to remember that change is unlikely to happen overnight and that it is not your responsibility to fix it. It is important to stick to your decision to end the relationship, even if it is difficult.
Set boundaries
After you have ended the emotionally abusive relationship, it is important to set clear boundaries with your ex-partner. This may mean cutting off all contact with them, or it may mean limiting contact to essential matters (such as child custody arrangements). It is important to be firm in your boundaries and not allow your ex-partner to manipulate or guilt-trip you into changing them.
Take care of yourself
Ending an emotionally abusive relationship can be emotionally draining, so it is important to take care of yourself during this time. This may mean seeking support from friends or family, taking time to engage in self-care activities (such as exercise or meditation), or seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor. It is important to remember that healing from the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship takes time, but that it is possible to move on and to build a healthy, fulfilling life for yourself.
Conclusion
In conclusion, ending an emotionally abusive relationship is not easy, but it is possible. It is important to recognise the signs of emotional abuse, to talk to someone you trust, to create a safety plan, to consider seeking professional help, to be clear and direct when ending the relationship, to set boundaries, and to take care of yourself. Remember that you are not alone and that there is help and support available to you. With time and effort, you can move on from the trauma of an emotionally abusive relationship and build a healthy, fulfilling life for yourself.
