Relationship Advice

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist?

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by a fixation on oneself and exaggerated self-esteem.

People with narcissism often have difficulty relating to others, feeling empathy or guilt, and carrying out tasks in a cooperative manner. They may be preoccupied with their own needs and desires, rather than those of others.

Who is a Narcissist?

Narcissists are often manipulative and exploitative. They tend to be skilled at lying and hiding their true feelings, intentions, and motivations.

They are also highly confident in their own abilities and opinions, which can lead them to be overbearing and to demand of others.

A narcissist appears to not need a significant other but is instead driven by admiration and a need to possess and control. They believe they are entitled to people’s time, money, and resources. They also tend to see other people as “less-than” and use bullying or abusive methods to gain control. A narcissist will manipulate, belittle, threaten, and/or gaslight in order to make other people feel guilty or inferior.

What are Narcissists in Relationships Like?

We already know that being involved with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder never works out. But what is it exactly that makes the narcissist such an evil character in a relationship?

What makes the narcissist so unfixable and why doesn’t he or she care about how much they emotionally devastate the other person?

The answers to these and many other baffling questions about narcissism can largely be credited to what I call the narcissist’s pathological relationship agenda.

It is an agenda that is not and never can be conducive to a healthy relationship. Based on lies and deceit, it is as dysfunctional as dysfunctional can get, and it must be realized for exactly what it is.

Everything starts with the narcissistic borderline personality disorder – a disorder that basically renders a person, from childhood, incapable of truly feeling any number of compassionate human emotions (i.e. sympathy, empathy and, of course, love).

The inability to feel these emotions, however, does not mean that an intuitive narcissist cannot understand them and then mimic them at appropriate times to achieve the desired result. Simply put, narcissistic partners will say anything to get what they want with utter disregard for the feelings of the other person. Certainly evil in its own way, this particular pathological ploy – namely, the lying – gives the narcissist a thrill and is the foundation for the agenda.

When the narcissist’s partner, as the recipient of the false gestures, realizes or discovers the lie, it’s normal for him or her to feel betrayed, angry, shocked, confused, sad, and more. Again, in accordance with the (pathological) relationship agenda, it is now this suffering of the other person – suffering caused by the narcissist’s very own words or actions – that gives the narcissist a “high”… a feeling of importance… a feeling of being alive in his otherwise lifeless world. The more you suffer, the more he knows you really care.

Yes, this all may sound evil and harsh but it is what it is. The pathological agenda plays out in every single relationship the narcissist will ever have – whether it be with a lover, friend, sibling, parent, co-worker, or his or her own children. The fact is that these particular actions – as deliberately hurtful as they are – are ingrained in the narcissistic personality and can never ever be fixed.

That being said, they should never ever be tolerated. Recognizing this type of narcissistic emotional abuse and then separating oneself from the individual causing the grief is the only way to ever end the nonsense.

Conclusion

Narcissism is a personality disorder that is characterized by a pattern of narcissism. There are three key features of narcissism: grandiosity, entitlement and a distorted sense of self. Narcissism can take the form of pathological narcissism, or be present in more “normal” situations.

If you are dating someone and feel like you are not good enough, or that you can’t do anything right in their eyes, it is possible that you are with a narcissist. If this is the case, it is important to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. Narcissists can be very damaging to your self-esteem and overall well-being. If you need help getting out of a relationship with a narcissist, please reach out for help.

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