Mutual respect, understanding, and equality nourish relationships. But when a partner feels constantly superior, no matter how the superiority expresses itself as intellectual elitism, moral superiority, or social superiority, this can deplete the store of trust and intimacy that anchors a relationship. This subtle and insidious power dynamic can be a self-destructive force that leaves both parties emotionally distant or bitter.
We have elaborated on some ways in which the feeling of superiority can ruin a relationship and why addressing it is critical for fostering healthy bonds.
Undermining Mutual Respect
At the core of any healthy relationship lies mutual respect, an understanding that both parties have something to offer. If one person is superior, they undermine the other’s value implicitly—or sometimes even explicitly. This may present as belittling remarks, like “You wouldn’t understand,” or as a way of correcting their partner condescendingly. Gradually, the receiving partner comes to feel belittled, as if their opinions, emotions, or inputs are not significant.
For instance, if one partner earns more income and quietly brags about this as evidence of their “better” decision-making or effort, the other partner may wave it off initially, but the steady suggestion that they are “less than” erodes their confidence. Respect is one-sided, and without it, the relationship becomes a struggle for power instead of a partnership.
Breeding Resentment
Superiority feelings don’t only hurt the one who is regarded as inferior, but also plant seeds of resentment. If one partner constantly places him- or herself as the wiser, more competent, or more virtuous person, the other can begin to feel resentment. This can smolder underneath, expressing itself in behavior that is passive-aggressive, withdrawal of emotion, or even aggressive hostility.
Take a couple in which one thinks they have finer taste in music or art. They may laugh at the other’s tastes, claiming their own are more cultured. Initially, the criticized individual may attempt to conform or oblige them, but soon, they will feel judged and rejected. That bitterness festers and creates a chasm that’s difficult to heal. What begins as a minor irritation can escalate into a seething resentment, contaminating the emotional atmosphere of the relationship.
Stifling Open Communication
Healthy relationships are based on open, honest communication. A sense of superiority, however, closes this down. The “superior” partner might take over conversations, interrupt often, or ignore their partner’s views as not worth considering. This is a space where one feels unheard and underappreciated, and the other is oblivious—or indifferent—to the harm they’re inflicting.
In real life, this can manifest as one partner thinking that they always get it right in the midst of an argument. Rather than hearing each other out, they listen to counterattack, ready to assert their rightness. The other partner, fed up with being run over, might become silent altogether. When communication breaks down, misinformation accumulates, and emotional intimacy dissolves. A dialogue-free relationship is a relationship on life support.
Eroding Trust and Vulnerability
Trust and vulnerability are inextricable—you can’t have one without the other. But when superiority is added to the mix, it’s just about impossible for either party to feel safe enough to be vulnerable. The “superior” partner may use their perceived advantage to belittle or control, while the other becomes defensive, afraid of judgment or rejection.
For example, if one person feels they’re higher on the moral spectrum—perhaps because they’re more eco-friendly—they may lecture the other about their “shortcomings” instead of having a healthy discussion. The person being criticized, far from feeling loved and supported, feels attacked. They’ll hold back in the future, realizing their vulnerabilities will be exploited. With no vulnerability, the relationship is reduced to a flat, empty vessel of what it could be.
Creating an Unbalanced Power Dynamic
Relationships ought to be equal partnerships, but superiority tips the balance, bringing an unhealthy dynamic of power. The “superior” one can become a parent figure, making decisions autonomously or speaking to the other as if to a child in need of discipline. This unevenness robs the relationship of cooperation and interdependence, transforming it into a hierarchy with one person at the top.
Imagine a couple where one partner thinks they’re emotionally smarter. They may insist on “repairing” the other person’s feelings instead of empathizing, since they’re convinced that only they possess the skills to handle life’s troubles. The other partner, on the other hand, is infantilized and bossed around. This pattern creates frustration and defiance—or worse, resignation—with little space for true connection.
The Path to Repair
The silver lining is that superiority-strained relationships aren’t lost causes—if both are willing to work on them. It begins with self-reflection: the “superior” party needs to see their own actions and how they’re affecting the relationship. It takes humility, a listening ear, and a commitment to treating their partner as an equal. Therapy or honest communication can reveal the source—be it insecurity, one’s upbringing, or societal programming—and open the door to adjustment.
The other partner, on the other hand, needs to stand up for their value, establish boundaries, and not take condescension. They can rebuild respect, communication, and trust together, but it requires effort and commitment from both parties.
Conclusion
The sense of superiority is an unspoken saboteur in relationships. It erodes respect, fosters resentment, smothers communication, destroys trust, and creates a lopsided power dynamic. If left to its own devices, it has the potential to turn love into a war of egos, where connection loses out to competition. Identifying and dismantling this way of thinking is the key to any couple who wish to foster a long-term, healthy relationship. After all, real partnership is not about being better than—it’s about being better together.
