Are you currently involved in a “friends with benefits” relationship? Was it fun at first, but now you’re finding it harder and harder to keep sex separate from your feelings of love?
Have you ever been in a situation where a man had sex with you and afterwards seemed to have a change of heart? He’s suddenly the nicest guy you’ve ever met; he seems genuinely interested in you and wants to get to know you better. He wants to date you!
This isn’t a new phenomenon. Men have always been in this situation, and women have always responded by getting freaked out and thinking the worst. They’ve been conditioned to believe that there’s something wrong with them. It can be very difficult for a woman to stay involved in friends with benefits situation.
If the truth is told, it’s not uncommon for a woman to experience these feelings with a man she gets physical with regularly. Because usually, having sex regularly with the same man means that you are involved in some relationship with him. And that is exactly why the problem occurs. Now a guy can have sex with a woman without getting emotionally attached. For him, it’s even better if he is friends with this woman. He does not have to work at building a relationship because that’s not what this is all about.
A lot of us are taught that sex is an easy road to love, a way to build the connection and trust that a boyfriend or girlfriend wants. The truth is, though, sometimes it just isn’t that simple. Sometimes sex is all a guy wants, and that’s it. Is there anything you can do to find out if he only wants sex? And if so, what do you do next?
Talk to him about it.
If you know the guy you’re dating only wants sex, it’s time to bring it up. It’s normal to feel a little awkward about talking about sex and about sex before sex. It’s perfectly natural to feel awkward talking about anything intimate with someone you’re dating, so it’s important to have that kind of honest conversation with your partner.
Keep the conversation light and fun.
If you ask him if he only wants to have sex and he doesn’t react negatively, it might help to turn the discussion into something more like a comedy skit. Think about something funny that you can talk about, and start doing a little dry humour.
Try to be clear about your feelings and thoughts.
There’s a time for silence and a time for honesty. If he’s made his intentions clear, you can be truthful with him, but don’t tell him what he wants as much as you want to be upfront and honest about your thoughts, and as much as you want to share those thoughts with him, at the moment, that might not be the right thing to do.
You could and probably should tell him that things have changed for you. If you think that he may be sharing any of the same feelings that you are, you could talk to him about it and see if he’d like to try to develop a real relationship together. The chances of this happening may be slim, and if he turns you down, your friendship and the benefits will end. It would not work anymore anyway because if you’ve fallen for him, your friendship will not be the same as it was.
Ask Yourself if You Really Want to End it Up?
Ask yourself why if you’re considering having sex with a guy only for sex. If you really just want sex, it’s much more beneficial to do what you really want. But, if you’re asking yourself why, then it’s likely that you’re not quite ready for sex and that you have some deeper issues that you need to look at. So, before you rush into anything, talk to a trusted friend or mental health professional.
Your other option and one that may help you deal with your feelings more easily is to break it off with him. You could even lie and tell him you’ve met someone else, so you’re not going to see him anymore. If you do this, follow through, leaving his calls to voice mail, not responding to texts and being distant if you bump into him.
There is no point in tormenting yourself by maintaining contact with him. Not only is friends with benefits part of the friendship over, but being friends with him at all would probably be too painful.