In a world where relationships are portrayed as being ideal through filtered lenses on social media and romantic comedies, a shocking statistic slices through all that pretence like a knife: 68% of women confess that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught. But what does this mean when combined with an even more alarming 74% of men? Is monogamy a natural human state, or is it a socially constructed one that is on the precipice of temptation?
In this blog post, we are going to delve deep into the origins of this shocking statistic and what it might mean for relationships.
The Origin of the Statistic: Where Does It Come From?
This infamous percentage did not just magically appear from thin air. In fact, it has been floating around various forms and instances of psychology studies, surveys, and even pop culture conversations. One such prominent aggregation comes from infidelity research, which has compiled its statistics from various sources such as the National Opinion Research Center and the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. These institutions have conducted extensive surveys regarding people’s views on infidelity, oftentimes as a case study within a larger discussion on marriage and family.
For example, in anonymous surveys in which people are comfortable revealing their true feelings without fear of judgment, the figures consistently fall in the range of the above-mentioned percentages. In a list of statistics on cheating assembled by a law firm based in Florida, the following is noted: “68% of women would cheat when the consequences are guaranteed to be anonymous, but in reality, the numbers are much smaller—14% of married women who admit to having cheated at least once.” There is a big difference between dreaming of cheating on a spouse in a hypothetical situation and doing the deed when the consequences of emotional distress, divorce, and social ostracism are on the table.
The same figures were reported by a detective agency in the UK, where they provided the stats for infidelity in 2021, stating that “between 30-60% of married couples will experience cheating at least once in their relationship, but the ‘would if I could’ attitude is drastically increased when the risk is no longer a concern.” Online forums such as the ones found on Reddit have even brought the stat to the forefront through discussions such as “TIL that a great majority of people would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught.”
The Psychology Behind the Temptation
Why do so many women—and people in general—consider the idea of cheating when detection isn’t a concern? There are many interesting answers. According to some in the field of psychology, people aren’t wired for monogamy. Men want multiple partners because they want to spread their genes. Women want better genes and/or more resources. This statistic, however, shows a different side of the coin in that women’s hypothetical cheating desires are only slightly lower than men’s. This suggests that society puts a huge damper on people wanting to cheat.
Take a moment to think about opportunity and satisfaction. A relationship can fail because of unmet needs. A study done through the American Psychological Association found that emotional infidelity usually stems from a feeling of neglect. So why not cheat if there are no repercussions? Women in particular are socialised as a gender to be in touch with their emotions. Cheating could be a way for women to rebel.
Furthermore, there is the excitement of secrecy, which gives one an adrenaline high. According to neuroscientists, dopamine, or the “feel-good” chemical, is released during new experiences, as it is during new romances. If one takes away the fear of being caught, what one has left is pure excitement. Again, it is not intended to condone cheating but to view it as a human weakness, not a gender-based one. In fact, it has been suggested that these statistics are overstated because surveys are based on self-reporting, which can lead individuals to inflate their cheating for shock value.
Gender Differences: Do Women Cheat Differently?
The disparity between the two figures, at 68% for women and 74% for men, prompts a closer analysis of gender roles. Men have been traditionally perceived as the cheater gender in relationships, as statistics have proven through higher confession rates in committed relationships. However, this scenario somewhat evens the playing field and proposes that the lower rate of infidelity among women in marital relationships (13-19%) could be because they are more afraid of the repercussions of their actions, such as being denied custody in a divorce.
Women often cheat for emotional reasons, seeking intimacy that’s lacking at home, whereas men might pursue physical variety. A Quora discussion on rising female infidelity rates posits that empowerment and financial independence have made it easier for women to act on desires without economic dependence on partners. Interestingly, as women enter their 40s, cheating rates reportedly catch up to men’s, possibly due to midlife crises or empty nests freeing up time and energy.
Women cheat for emotional reasons, such as the need for intimacy that is lacking at home, while men cheat for variety in the sexual experience. A Quora discussion on the increasing rates of female infidelity offered the theory that the empowered status of females, combined with financial independence, has made it easier for them to act on their desires without the burden of dependence on the male partner for financial support. Interestingly, the rate of cheating for females in their 40s mirrors that of males, possibly because of the midlife crisis or the empty nest syndrome that allows for more time to cheat.
However, let’s not forget to consider the culture as well. In conservative cultures, women who cheat pay a higher price for their actions, which could also affect their admissions. In a more liberal culture, this difference is less pronounced. A Facebook post from a philosophy group shares that “65% of women would cheat if they don’t get caught, as would 80% of men,” implying that humans love their marriages but also love variety. This does not mean that marriage as an institution is failing; it simply means that perhaps our idea of a monogamous relationship for a long time is not possible for everyone.
Implications for Relationships: Trust, Communication, and Prevention
So, what does this mean for you and your partner? First, don’t panic—hypotheticals aren’t actions. Most people (thankfully) don’t cheat, even if tempted. However, this stat underscores the importance of open communication. If 68% of women are theoretically open to affairs, it might signal widespread dissatisfaction in relationships. Couples should prioritise regular check-ins: Are we happy? What needs aren’t being met? Tools like couples therapy or relationship health apps can bridge gaps before temptation arises.
Trust is important. Recognising that the majority may cheat if they are risk-free illustrates the power of deterrence, or fear of loss, as the glue for many. However, true loyalty is based on mutual satisfaction, not fear. Polyamory or open relationships are options for those who choose them, where honesty replaces deceit, but they are not for everyone.
At a broader level, it raises the issue of the monopoly of monogamy. With divorce rates running 40-50%, perhaps it is time to rethink models of commitment. Education in emotional intelligence, starting at an early age, may be part of the answer, where people learn that relationships are about work, not just passion.
Counterarguments and Skepticism
But not everyone believes these stats. There are doubts about the survey because people tend to lie when they want to appear more adventurous. There are also doubts about the survey because it could be biased towards certain demographics. Someone commented on Dr Psych Mom’s blog and was sceptical about the stats because they didn’t use a methodology for collecting their stats. There are also doubts about hypotheticals because people say they’d do anything for love, but they don’t. There are cultural changes in society because of the #MeToo movement. This could be affecting people’s answers because women are more empowered now.
But even if people tend to exaggerate, they are revealing a truth. People are tempted by what they cannot have. Relationships are about more than just commitment.
Conclusion: Rethinking Fidelity in the Modern Age
The 68% of women who would cheat if they were guaranteed invisibility is more than just a provocative statistic—it’s like looking into a mirror, where you are reminded of your complex desires, fears, and norms. It’s a reminder that fidelity is not automatic, but rather an active choice made every day through hard work and understanding. Whether you are single, dating, or married, consider these statistics as an exercise for self-reflection: what makes you loyal? How do you cultivate more meaningful relationships?
At the end of the day, relationships are not about temptation, but choosing your partner despite temptation. And if you fix the problem of boredom or lack of attention, perhaps more people would choose fidelity, caught or not. What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
