We all have someone we’ve broken up with, and as painful as it may be to think about, it’s not always that bad to begin the healing process and move on.
The problem is that some of us are so used to thinking about the person and the pain he or she caused that we’ve never really figured out how to get over someone. There’s just a constant “ping” in our heads, and no matter what we do or how much we try to put the hurt of the breakup behind us, it never stops.
The good news is that you don’t have to passively wait for time to heal you. While there’s no magic “get over it in 7 days” switch, research and psychology will show proactive steps that significantly speed up recovery. People tend to overestimate how long healing will take, while actions like no contact, emotional processing, and self-rebuilding help rewire the brain faster.
In this post, we will explore five easy tips to get over someone and move on with your life. Because you don’t need to be stuck in past.
1. Commit to the No-Contact Rule Immediately
The first step toward moving on must be to stop all contact with your ex. Block their social media accounts, remove their phone number from your contact list (or at least hide it), and stop the ‘just checking’ of their social media profiles. Every text you send, as you receive, or chance encounter floods your brain with dopamine hits, keeping you addicted.
There is no contact, so there is room for your nervous system to detox from the attachment. It ends the cycle of hope and disappointment, thereby ending grief. Some people claim their most intense cravings go away after 2-4 weeks of strict application.
2. Don’t focus on the hurt
One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking about the hurt they’ve been through with a particular person. All that does is give you a reason to stay in pain and carry on.
You can’t heal the pain you still have. You can’t just keep thinking about the things that have happened because then you’ll keep the pain and go on to be depressed or confused. The only way to heal is to move on and get over the person. That means doing things with yourself that you wouldn’t normally do, not constantly thinking about him or her.
He or she won’t be around forever. So you may as well figure out what’s next in your life. It will help you if you do some research on yourself and figure out what makes you happy and what you want to do in life. Don’t let the other person’s actions change how you are. You’re going to have to focus on yourself and your life going forward. That’s the only way you’ll be able to do it and heal.
Related Article: 10 Essential Dating and Relationship Vocabulary
3. Don’t compare yourself to him or her
Another mistake people make is comparing themselves to the person they’re trying to move on from. And no matter the situation, it will not help you.
The truth is, no one knows what happened between you. He or she may have caused you pain, but you don’t know the full story. You may have done things that led to the breakup, but he or she may have done things that led to it as well.
So when you compare yourself to them, you will stay stuck in pain. You’re also going to keep making the same decisions, and things will only worsen. You can’t compare yourself to them because the two of you are not the same person. You didn’t do the same thing. If you want to get over them, you can’t compare yourself to them, no matter what they’ve done or how much pain you’ve been through.
You have to be yourself, and you have to follow your own path, not theirs. And remember, when you’re comparing yourself to them, you’re just going to make yourself depressed and unhappy. So, it’s better to stay away from it altogether.
4. Think of it as a learning experience
Many people have the attitude that it’s something that they’re not going to get over. And the thing is, if you think of it that way, you’re going to make it worse. What if you think that you can’t get over your ex? You may stay stuck in pain and never move on. You may think it will always be there and never go away.
The truth is that there is nothing you can do to make that happen. You can’t just stay in pain because he or she hurt you or because you want to punish him or her. No matter what you do, it will not make the pain disappear. The only way you can move on is if you realise that this is a learning experience. You’re going to learn that people are often hurting other people, and they usually do it by doing the same thing.
The truth is that if you realise that he or she wasn’t there for you, that he or she was just hurting you, then you can move on and learn a lesson that you’ll take with you.
5. Reclaim Your Identity Through Hobbies and Passions
Our relationships tend to cause us to put some of who we are on the side. Finding again or new interests gives you a renewed sense of who you are outside of “us.”
This process is incredibly empowering since it changes your focus from loss to possibility. New neural associations replace old ones, which had something to do with your ex.
Some Ideas that you can try: Try picking up an instrument, book clubs, cooking, travelling alone, volunteering, etc. Treat these activities as appointments. Wins. The emphasis here is on the experience of joy and competency, not on your work itself being distracting.
6. Think of the relationship as a friendship
One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking of the relationship with the person they’re trying to move on from as a friend. And if you think of it that way, it will change things and make it easier. I find that if I think about the relationship as a friendship, I can get over it easier. I’ll talk to him or her as a friend and figure out what I want to do with my life. I’ll ask him or her what they think about it.
Then, I’ll ask him or her what he or she wants to do, what she’s interested in doing, or what he or she wants to do after the breakup. Then I can make it happen. I can try to find out what we have in common and let it be a friendship if that’s what he or she wants. I can do what I can to help make that happen and live my life moving forward.
7. Set New Goals and Create Fresh Routines
A void is created as a result of a breakup. Leverage it by filling it intentionally with moving forward and setting goals, as opposed to waiting to feel ready. Goals bring direction and life to an individual, and many small victories eventually add up to big confidence.
For example, fitness achievements, professional success, learning something new, and home renovations can help. Overhaul your daily routine—new morning routine, take a different route to work, change your evening routine. Make changes to your environment—rearrange furniture, use a different scent, de-clutter items associated with your past.
Conclusion
Getting over someone is not all about not having them in your heart within a short period. However, getting over someone and moving on means not allowing the pain to dictate your future. Hence, no contact, emotional work, physical action, and growth all join to create an environment for a quicker get-over and increased self.
The person you become on the other side will thank you. For that is where you will laugh more, set better boundaries, and attract relations that resonate with your healed self. Time is a factor, yet it is your decisions that will hasten it. Let’s just start with one tip today, okay? Well, you’ve survived 100% of your hardest days so far, so today is no different. The best chapter is the one you’re writing now.
