Cheating in relationships is a topic that stirs strong emotions, from heartbreak to outrage. Yet, it’s alarmingly common. Studies suggest that infidelity affects up to 40% of married couples in the U.S., and the numbers aren’t much better globally. But why do people stray from committed partnerships? Is it simply a lack of morals, or are there deeper psychological, emotional, and situational factors at play? Infidelity isn’t always about seeking something better—often, it’s a symptom of unmet needs, unresolved issues, or impulsive decisions.
Understanding why people cheat in relationships needs a closer look at the psychological and situational factors that lead to cheating on a partner.
In this article, we’ll explore the 10 real reasons why people cheat. Understanding these can help prevent infidelity or heal from it.
1. Anger and Revenge
One of the most visceral reasons for cheating is anger. When someone feels betrayed—perhaps by a partner’s lie, neglect, or even their own infidelity—they might cheat as a form of retaliation. A study of 495 cheaters found that anger motivated affairs in cases where individuals wanted to “get even” or make their partner suffer. This isn’t about love or desire; it’s pure emotional payback.
For example, if a spouse discovers emotional withholding or constant criticism, they might seek solace elsewhere to reclaim power. Psychologists note that this stems from unresolved conflicts, where communication breaks down, leading to explosive decisions. Revenge cheating often backfires, escalating pain for everyone involved. It’s a reminder that addressing anger through therapy or open dialogue is far healthier than destructive actions.
Also Read: What is Revenge Cheating? Why is it Not Good?
2. Lack of Love or Emotional Disconnect
Losing love is a slow poison of relationships, which can open the door to cheating. If the love is gone, and the couple is more like roommates than lovers, one may cheat on the other as a means to regain that love. Studies have found that “lack of love” is a major reason, and the cheating spouse feels less interested in the other spouse.
This can happen due to life circumstances such as work, children, and the usual routine, which leads to a lack of emotional closeness. Esther Perel, a well-known therapist, suggests that people who cheat are looking to regain a sense of aliveness, which is more than just sex. Women, in particular, cheat on their spouses as a means to regain emotional satisfaction if they feel that their spouse is not listening to them or appreciating them.
3. Sexual Dissatisfaction or Desire
Sex is a cornerstone of many relationships, and when it’s lacking, people stray. Unsatisfied partners might cheat to fulfil physical needs, especially if frequency, quality, or experimentation dwindles. Surveys indicate that sexual desire drives infidelity when one feels “unsatisfied with the sex in a relationship and wanting to try something new.”
This isn’t always about quantity; it could be mismatched libidos or boredom. Men report this reason more often, seeking novelty, while women might link it to emotional voids. Affairs fueled by desire tend to be more sexually satisfying but less emotionally invested. Couples can combat this by openly discussing fantasies and prioritising intimacy, preventing the “grass is greener” illusion.
4. Rejection and Disconnection
Feeling rejected triggers deep pain, leading to cheating as a coping mechanism. When partners drift—due to arguments or life changes—one seeks connection elsewhere. Therapists note disconnection as a primary driver, where affairs fill the void.
This includes rejection in intimacy or emotional support. Mark Manson argues that when self-gratification outweighs intimacy, cheating occurs. Reconnection requires vulnerability; ignoring it breeds resentment.
Related Article: How to Deal with Cheating and Betrayal from Spouse?
5. Situational Factors and Opportunity
Sometimes, cheating happens “in the moment.” Alcohol, travel, or stress creates opportunities where judgment lapses. Studies classify this as “situation or circumstance,” unrelated to relationship quality.
Work trips or parties provide temptation; impulse control weakens under influence. These affairs are often one-offs, with less emotional attachment. Environments where infidelity is normalised increase risk. Awareness and boundaries—like avoiding compromising situations—can mitigate this.
6. Neglect and Lack of Attention
The feeling of being neglected is akin to being starved emotionally, leading to affairs as a means of seeking validation. If one partner in a relationship chooses to spend time on work, hobbies, or even social media, the other will seek validation elsewhere. Research points to neglect as a major contributing element, where the cheater feels undervalued or invisible.
This is not uncommon in women, who claim to be cheated on as a result of emotional neglect, but men are certainly not exempt. Perel says that affairs offer a reflection of oneself where one feels “special” once more. Neglect during childhood can be a contributing element to this, leading to a pattern of seeking external validation.
7. Need for Variety and Excitement
Humans crave novelty, and monotony can drive cheating. The “need for variety” is cited in studies as a reason for seeking multiple partners, even in happy relationships. This isn’t about dissatisfaction but the thrill of the new—dopamine rushes from secrecy and forbidden fruit.
Men might cheat for physical variety, while women do so for emotional novelty. Boredom in long-term relationships amplifies this; after years, routine sets in. Affairs provide escapism, but they rarely last. Couples can inject variety through adventures, role-playing, or open discussions about non-monogamy if mutually agreed.
Related Post: How to catch your cheating spouse or partner?
8. Low Commitment Levels
Not all relationships are founded on an equal level of commitment, and a lack of commitment leads to cheating. When one person in a relationship believes it is casual while the other believes it is exclusive, cheating occurs. A study at the University of Maryland shows that a lack of commitment is a cheating motivator, particularly in new or unbalanced relationships.
This is particularly true when the relationship boundaries have not been discussed or when one person is afraid of commitment. Someone who is a serial cheater may have this trait, which is related to attachment problems in childhood. Casual relationships lack commitment, are of shorter duration, and are less committed, but they lead to a breakdown of trust.
Summary
Cheating is a result of a complicated cycle of emotions, desires, and situations, rather than pure evil. Although these 10 reasons for cheating—anger, lack of love, sexual dissatisfaction, neglect, low commitment, variety, self-esteem, situations, rejection, and autonomy—are why it occurs, they emphasise the value of communication and self-understanding. Cheating shatters trust, resulting in divorce for 37% of marriages, but healing and forgiveness are possible with therapy and forgiveness.
If you are in a relationship, encourage a culture of openness to resolve problems early on. For those who are healing from infidelity, remember that it is not your fault. Work on your own personal development. In the end, knowledge of these reasons gives power to make better decisions, and this leads to healthier and more authentic relationships. Cheating is not inevitable; it can be prevented through understanding and hard work.
